Jokes Menu - Series 4

The Three Pious Monks

There were three pious monks. These monks were so pious, in fact, that the abbot decided one day to reward their devotion by granting them each one day of sinning on the condition that they each confess their activities to him at the end of the day.

So, the day arrives, and the three monks go off depart to indulge in all manner of sin.

The first monk saunters in at 1:00 in the morning, and tries to sneak upstairs to bed. But the abbot, who was waiting up for the three, stopped him and demanded that he relate his doings.

"No, Abbot," the first monk said, "it's too evil for me to admit!"

"The agreement was for you to tell me everything you did, otherwise you will not receive absolution!" said the abbot.

So the first monk agreed to tell what he did. "I - I - I drank! And I did all manner of drugs! And I smoked tea bags and old polyester ties, and I snorted coffee whitener...."

"Enough!" said the abbot, enraged. "Those are evil sins, but I promised to forgive you. Go into the chapel, drink some Holy Water, say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning."

The first monk thankfully went off to follow the abbot's instructions.

The second monk wanders in at 2:00 AM.

"What did you do last night?" demanded the abbot.

"I can't say! It's much too evil!"

"The agreement was that you must tell me everything you did!"

"Okay," agreed the second monk. "I had all manner of sex. I had sex with young girls, young boys, small furry quadrupeds, large species of flora, my CD player..."

"Enough!" cried the abbot. "That is a truly great sin. But I promised to give you absolution. Go into the chapel and drink some Holy Water. Then say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning."

The second monk sauntered off to do just that.

And the third and final monk crawls in at 3:00 in the morning.

"What," asks the abbot, "did you do this evening?"

"No, head abbot, it's too great a sin to admit. I cannot tell!"

"The agreement, monk! You must tell me!"

The third monk bowed his head and nodded. "All right, head abbot. Last night I...I..."


"I peed in the Holy Water."