Jokes Menu - Series 1

Men and Dogs - The Comparison

How Dogs Are Better Then Men.....

Dogs do not have problems with expressing affection in public
Dogs miss you when you're gone
Dogs feel guilt when they have done something wrong
Dogs are loyal
Dogs don't criticize your friends
Dogs admit when they are jealous
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out
Dogs do not play games with you - except fetch ( And they never laugh at how you throw)
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence
You can train a dog
Dogs are easy to buy for
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams
The worst social disease you can get from a dog is fleas
Dogs understand what NO means
Dogs understand if some of their friends can't come inside
Middle-age dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner
Dogs admit it when they are lost
Dogs are color blind
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do
Dogs mean it when they kiss you

How Dogs & Men Are The Same.....

Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about the vacuum cleaner
Both are threatened by their own kind
Both mark their territory
Both are bad at asking you questions
Neither tells you what's bothering them
Smaller ones tend to be a bit more nervous
Both have an inordinate fascination with woman's crotches
Neither does any dishes
Both fart shamelessly
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut
Both like dominance games
Both are suspicious of the postman
Neither know how to talk on the telephone
Neither understands what you see in cats

Why Are Men Better Than Dogs.....

Men only have two feet to track in mud
Men can buy you presents
Men don't play with every man they see when you take them around the block
Men are a little bit more subtle
Men don't eat turds on the sly
Dogs have dog breath all the time
Men can do Math stuff
Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it
It's more fun to dry off a wet man